Sun Feb 19, 2006 (Politics) Comments

Al Franken postulates that Cheney's hunting mishap could have been much worse. How so Mr. Franken?

I have to imagine, don't you think that Cheney and Bush have gone hunting together? Wouldn't you say Andy?

They'd have to have gone hunting together.

Joel, don't you think?

Absolutely.

At some point, right? Now imagine if Cheney had shot the President. Can you imagine that? And knowing this President... I mean the guy that Cheney shot in the face- and neck, left side of his face and neck- is seventy eight years old. Bush- if he shot Bush like that... Bush is in good shape. And he's kind of- I think he's got a temper and he's kind of macho. I think Bush would have gotten up and shot Cheney back. And I think they would have gone after each other, blasting each other like in a Tarantino movie. Can you imagine? I mean really that's possible. These guys, I think, have short fuses.

Think about it. Think what could have happened if the President and the Vice President were hunting together and this happened. I mean the Vice President almost killed this guy. I mean a little higher and a little closer it could have... And imagine what would have happened if we- you know you're sitting at home like we got the reports- that the Vice President killed the President. You know an accident. An accident. Everybody, all the eye witnesses going "accident." I mean there would be a lot of conspiracy theories, obviously.

Many of which would be expressed probably in e-mails to our show.

Yes, but we'd be faced with... Imagine this: We would be faced with the situation where Cheney would then be President. The President would have shot the other President, the last President. And we'd have to decide as the sort of American people- and our leaders would have to decide what do you do? I mean we did dodge a bullet here in a way, in a sense.

Mon Feb 06, 2006 (Islam) Comments

Months ago a Danish newspaper, Jyllands-Posten, published twelve cartoons depicting the prophet Muhammad. The very depiction of their God (let alone the unflattering scenes) has offended some Muslims and in the last week their anger has led to boycotts, bomb threats, and riots. To those of you who believe it was wrong of the Danish paper to print the cartoons, let me put a question:

How does it affect your belief?

It doesn't, in my estimation. It could affect your fellow man's belief. That is what worries you, isn't it? The idea that someone other than you is in control of that mind and body terrifies you. They don't deserved control. Only you do! And the very idea that those other humans inhabiting this world (not you) may believe in ideas contrary to yours, may live different lives, may hold different opinions and set different priorities, may eat different foods and practice different social customs- that is frightening to you. For it means you cannot assume to know a person newly met. You must make an effort to understand him, his life's journey, his beliefs and opinions, his personality. Oh no, that is too much to ask of a man.

Well, I am not about to apologize for thinking higher of man's intellect than you.

Violation of particular credos of an organized religion- any religion- are not what needs to be discussed presently. The idea that everyone, to a man, must believe the same thoughts- that is what needs to be discussed. Because in my opinion that is a terrible idea, an idea born out of fear and laziness, an idea that needs to be challenged in public discourse. To quote the great scientist Richard Feynman:

Please do not tell me you have- without any doubt- the answer to the meaning of Life, how to live virtuously, how to please God. Worse yet, do not force me to live as you see fit, conforming to your beliefs. Sooner or later you must realize this planet is populated with six billion other people (not you) who do not live your life and therefore will form their own opinions from their own experiences.

This polyphony of competing voices represents the condition into which we are born. I advise you not to spend your entire life denying it, or, out of low estimation of man's ability to cope with such discordance, invent some less demanding reality. For those of you who are so quick to take offense at breaches of religious propriety are arguing for a world of uniformity unbroken by thought or opinion. You are arguing that Time itself should stop to allay your fears.

Show a little backbone. And lighten up Francis.

Fri Jan 27, 2006 (Politics) Comments

More humor from Al Franken regarding the NSA wiretapping story. Mr. Franken is referring to the secret court established by the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act. The serious question is why did the Administration bypass this court when it has in the past been very accommodating to surveillance requests, approving all but a few requests? The humorous question is for what reason were those previous requests denied? Mr. Franken:

So, since the inception of the FISA court in 1979 there have been roughly- this we got from the Electronic Privacy Information Center. There have been roughly 19,000 requests approved for warrants and four- five, I'm sorry- five rejected. Uh... There... OK. And you just got to wonder what those five were like. How do you?... If you have five rejected out of 20,000- 19,000- what were those five requests that were turned down like? I think it was like this. It was like:

"Um, Jerry? You want this warrant to wiretap your wife? Is that right?"

"Uh, yeah. I think she's a spy."

"Jerry, haven't we been through this?"

"Uh, no really I think she's spying for, uh, Serbia."

"Uh huh. And you also want to wiretap her boss?"

"Right, yeah. I think he's in on it- the spying for Serbia."

"Look Jer. I think that maybe you should think about getting maybe a private eye or a marriage counselor. But this is not why the FISA court was set up."

"She's cheating on me, Bob! She's cheating on me!"

"Ah Jer, calm down. Look, this is the fifth time you've tried to get a warrant on your wife. And I warned you last time and I got... I'm gonna have to tell your supervisor. And I can't guarantee that he's not going to be very, very unhappy."

"OK, I won't come to you again."

"Now Jer, I told you last time. I told you two times ago, three strikes and you're out. And I've let you come now again twice. I've got to tell you supervisor. And these are the only five warrants we've ever turned down, and it's just got to stop."

"I'll stop!"

"Now you said that before, Jer. I can't help you with your wife. Get a private eye. Get a marriage counselor."

I think that's it.

Tue Jan 24, 2006 (Politics) Comments

Al Franken managed to find some humor in the NSA wiretapping story. From his radio program today:

OK, here's Michael V. Hayden, the nation's second ranking intelligence official. He laid out the operational details in a speech. And he basically said that this isn't really domestic spying, this is just spying on people who are talking to, or are, known Al Qaeda or suspected Al Qaeda operatives. But on the other hand- and that it was very limited. To that. It was limited to just Al Qaeda and Al Qaeda suspects. But on the other hand this guy, Russell Tice, who was part of this program and was part of the secret black world operations said that this was like millions of Americans that were monitored. And the FBI has said that they were overwhelmed with stuff from this program. That they kept getting these leads from this program- and it made it impossible to do their real job of tracing down terrorists because everything led to- you know, led down a blind alley. That nothing came of these things. So this is- if it's only Al Qaeda and Al Qaeda operatives and suspected Al Qaeda operatives, and it's millions of these, and it's overwhelmed the FBI... I'm terrified. Because all this can possibly mean is that there are millions of Al Qaeda in the country.

I'd say two percent of the country are Al Qaeda... Judging by this. That means one out of every fifty. If you're listening to this and you're on the freeway right now, say in Los Angeles or something. Look around. Look at the cars. There's someone in Al Qaeda in there. At the Super Bowl there's gonna be a thousand Al Qaeda there. It's in Detroit! Detroit is very, very... I mean, that has kind of a large Muslim population. Now I know it's Pittsburgh and Seattle fans will be coming. But it's in Detroit. There's gonna be a thousand Al Qaeda there.

If you're standing in line with fifty people to see Munich, one of them is probably Al Qaeda. Well to see Munich more than one is Al Qaeda, so.

Wed Jan 18, 2006 (Music) Comments

The other night I was listening to some Metallica. I had downloaded a live version of ...And Justice For All, a song I've always wanted to hear live but have not yet had the pleasure. Listening closely to the words, I was struck by how relevant they are today. How many of today's headlines do you recognize in these lyrics? I count at least seven: The influence peddling of Jack Abramoff, Tom "The Hammer" Delay's redisticting power grab, the Administration's disclosure of Valerie Plame's clandestine identity, Pat Robertson's divination of God's will, the Administration's unwillingness to cooperate with the 9/11 commission, the Neocon's hatred of government by the people, and the Administration's violation of civil liberties.

Halls of justice painted green,
Money talking.
Power wolves beset your door,
Hear them stalking.
Soon you'll please their appetite,
They devour.
Hammer of justice crushes you,
Overpower.

The ultimate in vanity,
Exploiting their supremacy.
I can't believe the things you say.
I can't believe, I can't believe the price you pay.
Nothing can save you.

Justice is lost,
Justice is raped,
Justice is gone.
Pulling your strings,
Justice is done.
Seeking no truth,
Winning is all,
Find it so grim, so true, so real.

Apathy their stepping stone,
So unfeeling.
Hidden deep animosity,
So deceiving.
Through your eyes their light burns,
Hoping to find.
Inquisition seeking you
With prying minds.

The ultimate in vanity,
Exploiting their supremacy.
I can't believe the things you say.
I can't believe, I can't believe the price you pay.
Nothing can save you.

Justice is lost,
Justice is raped,
Justice is gone.
Pulling your strings,
Justice is done.
Seeking no truth,
Winning is all,
Find it so grim, so true, so real.

Lady Justice has been raped, Truth assassin.
Rolls of red tape seal your lips,
Now you're done in.

Their money tips her scales again,
Make your deal.
Just what is truth, I cannot tell,
Cannot feel.

The ultimate in vanity,
Exploiting their supremacy.
I can't believe the things you say,
I can't believe, I can't believe the price we pay.
Nothing can save us.

Justice is lost,
Justice is raped,
Justice is gone.
Pulling your strings,
Justice is done.
Seeking no truth,
Winning is all,
Find it so grim, so true, so real.

Seeking no truth,
Winning is all,
Find it so grim, so true, so real.